My Two Week Wonder
I don’t believe in love at first sight, and I definitely don’t believe you can fall in love in two weeks. Then this happened…
His smile and the way he tilted his head and winked at me gave me butterflies. When we were together it was just us! He was attentive, and caring. Our intimate conversations ranged from giggling and whispering in each other’s ears, silly kissing competition, laughing at wardrobe choices and loudly proclaiming our affection for each in a crowded restaurant, OK so that last one was more him than me and I secretly liked that he did. We comfortably lounged on each other on park benches and talked about our favorite things. And as quickly as it began, it was over in two weeks.
I told him from the very beginning I didn’t believe people could fall in love in two weeks. Now, as I look back on the whirl-wind high I was on, I found myself wondering; knowing what I know now, would I have done a few things differently.
Are you in love me?
Twelve days into dating, while getting ready to walk out the door for dinner, I was grabbing my purse as I looked up and saw him from across the room staring at me. I was not at all prepared for what he asked. “Are you in love with me?” I didn’t know what to say and threw up my defenses. I replied, “I don’t want to talk about my feeling for you right now”. As I think about my words, I wish with all my heart in that moment I had answered that differently. What I wanted to say but was too scared is, “I’m not sure if it is love, but when I think about you, my chest feels like it’s on fire and I can’t breath until I see you”, but I couldn’t.
Is this what it’s like to be married?
After spending a day laughing, talking and just being together, I was snuggled up close to his chest and he softly said, “I wonder if this is what it is like to be married?” He’s sweet words as he softy stroked my hair caught me off guard, and I mumbled something like, “I wouldn’t know, this didn’t happen in my previous marriage”. I wish I would have held him a bit tighter and said, “l image it would be with us”.
I’m feeling attached to you.
I was on this natural endorphin high every moment I was with him and I never wanted it to end. When he looked at me and said, “I’m feeling attached to you” I pulled back and looked in his eyes, looking to see if I could read his emotions. He knew exactly what I was doing, smiled and said, “you’re attached to me too”. I wish I would have kissed him, or said something clever, but I didn’t.
I can take care of myself!
This man did everything to show me I could be loved and I was so sure that I wasn’t going to fall in love, I missed what was happening. He wanted to take care of me, more than once I said, “I can take care of myself”. What I really meant was, “I want someone that see’s I’m a strong person and he wants to care for me”.
I didn’t say or do those other things, because it simply wasn’t how I felt. He was charming, fun and made me laugh but he didn’t take my breath away, I wasn’t picturing our wedding day and thinking about marriage, my attachment wasn’t to him but the idea of of him, and he couldn’t see me for who I am and care for me.
I want to fall in love and say and feel all these things, with the right person that will sincerely say and do all these things in return. Falling in love shouldn’t have a time limit, it should be a constant state of a relationship with the right person. I want to continuously fall in love with every eye contact and smile, with the touch of his warm hand in mine, with words of encouragement and comfort during struggles, during the romance, challenges and everyday part of being with the right person.
I find happiness in the experiences in my life that are leading me in the right direction to fall in love.